Let’s be honest about labor. Squeezing out something so big out of something so small is a heck of a lot of work. We all know there’s a reason they call it labor. You’re not exactly picking daisies. You’ve got a lot of cheerleaders, but you sure don’t feel like a cutesy co-ed.
But labor is definitely adventurous. And messy. And long. Sometimes really long. During all that time in labor, you’re bound to say and do things you never actually planned. Here are a few we’ve heard that are popular:
1. You curse your childbirth classes.
Even if you took copious notes during your childbirth classes and paid extra attention to the Lamaze training, there’s a point during labor when you realize you can’t remember anything you learned. Or you’re sure they skipped some things that were pretty darn important. You spend several weeks sitting in a fluorescent-lit room learning childbearing basics and then forget them all when it matters the most. But somehow during the pushing process, a random memory hits you that it’s common for women to poop during labor. This stress-induced awareness causes you to curse those childbirth classes all over again.
2. You shout out: “Don’t post that one!”
As the excited expectant father cheers you on during labor, he might be tempted to broadcast your labor experience to just about everybody via social media. But as flattering as a hospital gown, dark circles and expressions of exhaustion are, when you see your husband taking pictures or videos of you in not-so-grand positions, you yell out: “Don’t post that one!” Of course, it won’t be until days later when you have time to check your Facebook profile that you realize that the picture you ordered banned had already been posted and had 227 Facebook likes and 43 comments.
3. You ask for more ice chips–or stare them down.
Hopefully you ate a delicious meal before you entered the hospital because you won’t have anything close to it until after giving birth. Except ice chips. Yes, ice chips. Yummy-sounding, I know. They might be the only thing your doctor lets you consume during labor. And somehow, whether it’s from thirst or just a welcomed distraction, those ice chips will suddenly take on much more value–to the point that consuming an entire cup of them feels like a small victory. So you ask for more because, well, you’re an overachiever. Then again, if you’re anything like me who happens to adore eating–especially when I have nothing else to do–you continually glare at those ice chips. No matter the intensity of your stare, the ice never turns into the Cheese Whiz sandwiches you’re craving.
4. You ask “Is it time yet?”…over and over and over again.
You’ll likely ask this more than once–and at different points throughout labor. It’s like being in Vegas; you lose track of time. So you ask about time a lot. No, not time as in what your watch is tracking. You’re wondering about milestones. Time to have an epidural? Time to check dilation? Time to start pushing? Interestingly, expectant moms don’t usually ask when it’s time to relax.
5. You yell, “How can you sleep at a time like this?!”
It might feel strange that you’re lying in a hospital bed at night and you’re more awake than your husband who is awkwardly crunched up in a chair, neck uncomfortably arched, shoes still on…and sleeping soundly. You’re about to give birth in hours, maybe even minutes, and so you can’t help but give him the evil eye and ask how anybody can sleep at a time like this. Your question is rhetorical, though–he’s too passed out to respond.
6. You Google…everything.
You may be a newbie at giving birth. So you’re more than willing to leverage expertise about the childbearing subject. So what do you do in a building packed full with medical professionals and experts? You whip out your phone, of course, and query Dr. Google and maybe even Nurse Siri. You ask them everything that doesn’t feel right, look right or even smell right. Or you ask things you’d never normally ever, ever ask, like: “What’s going on with my butt?” But then you don’t read the answers for fear they’ll compel you to march yourself right out of the delivery room…baby, butt and all.